Thirty3

There are certain points in life that feel less like birthdays and more like thresholds. Turning 33 has not been a matter of counting years but of standing in front of a mirror that asks questions I cannot easily answer. I have a house, I am pursuing my degree and I am building a future that looks different than the one I once imagined. Yet the most pressing questions (whether I want to marry, whether I want children) remain suspended in uncertainty, as if time itself is waiting for me to decide what shape my life will take.

Perhaps it is only recently, after discovering I have ADHD, that I have begun to see my life with sharper clarity. There is a rhythm to the way I exist: moments where I move through the world like Wonder Woman, accomplishing everything with relentless focus, followed by inevitable crashes when even the simplest daily task feels insurmountable. This pendulum swing between extremes makes me wonder whether my nature is suited to solitude. Alone, I would not need to explain these shifts, nor feel the weight of another’s judgment. I could simply exist as I am, free to live according to the strange, unpredictable cadence of my own energy.

And yet, there is no easy conclusion. Some days the idea of partnership or motherhood seems like an anchor, a way to ground myself in something larger than my own fluctuations. Other days, the thought feels like a cage, a set of expectations I am not sure I can (or even want to) meet. The truth is, I stand between two visions of life: one of freedom and solitude, and one of connection and responsibility. Neither feels entirely wrong and neither feels entirely right.

What I am learning is that uncertainty itself is not failure. It is a form of freedom, a space in which I can question, reflect and choose again tomorrow if I must. My worth is not measured by whether I marry or whether I have children. It is measured by the life I build, the resilience I have already shown and the courage to live authentically even when I do not have all the answers. Perhaps the profound task of being 33 is not in knowing which path to take, but in recognising that the path itself is mine to shape.

I cannot help but wonder if others, too, have stood in this liminal space between what society expects and what the soul quietly desires. Perhaps there are many who have questioned whether marriage or children are truly theirs to pursue, or who have felt the tension between solitude and companionship, freedom and responsibility. If you have walked this path of uncertainty, I would welcome your reflections. Share your experiences below, so that together we might see how varied and complex the journey of becoming truly oneself can be.

Thank you for reading.

 ♥︎