Thirty3

Over the past year, I’ve noticed something shift within me.. a sense of calm that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

A year ago, I was caught up in a painful situationship with someone I met through online dating. It was my first time stepping into that world, and unfortunately, the experience was nothing like I had hoped. What unfolded was deeply unsettling and traumatic. I walked away from it feeling angry, violated and broken in ways that took a long time to untangle. It’s really hard to detach yourself from someone you cared about. Even if it wasn’t a particularly long lived romance. It had potential, but I think the individual had a lot of soul searching to do first.

Not long after, my ex-partner reached out. Against my better judgment, I chose to give us one last try. And for a while, it felt good. We shared laughter, created memories.. he even surprised me with a birthday trip to Palma, Majorca.. such a beautiful gesture I will never forget.

But patterns have a way of resurfacing. His attachment struggles and self-sabotage reappeared, and this time, I knew I couldn’t sacrifice my peace again. I made the choice to walk away for good. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

Right now, I’m not looking for romance. I don’t plan to, not for a while. What I want most is something simpler and more genuine: to become best friends with someone first. To share life, laugh together and build something rooted in trust and companionship. If love grows from that, wonderful.. but it has to start with friendship.

As for online dating, I don’t think I’ll ever go back. The thought alone makes me nervous and I’ve learned enough to trust my instincts on that.

For now, I’m content to sit with the calm I’ve found. I know the right connections will come when they’re meant to.. and this time, I’ll be ready.